Hey everybody. Thanks to those of you who have emailed or wrote in asking us where the fuck we’ve been. Like I said because, I have been going through some personal shit that has made doing the show “not a top priority” but we should be back sooner, rather than later. Right now Bruna is traveling the world (and probably getting weird foreign STD’s that come from hummus or some shit) so hopefully when she gets back we can get the show back up and running. In the mean time, I have started a summer project called One Movie A Week where I review current movies (one a week, in fact). Check it out at http://onemovieaweek.tumblr.com or search for the group on Facebook.

Thanks again for sticking around. We’ll be back soon, promise.
-Chris

Hey, some random bloggery from me, Chris.  I’m back in school and have a ton of down time on Wednesday’s before my night class starts, so I am going to try and use this time for good.  Hopefully you’ll enjoy it.  Anyway on to the blogging.

I was over at The Frisky (link) and came across a story about a UK company that has invented a pill (dietary supplement) called Sweet Release that make male seman taste like apples (female semen will still tastes like yellow Skittles.)  Yep, you read that right, APPLES!  So the next time you try to cum on your ladies glasses some “accidently” makes it into her mouth, she’ll feel like Mrs. Smith.  Now, I haven’t run this by Bruna, who we all know has not let a guy cum in her mouth, but I think I know her well enough that I could surmise what she’d say.  Bruna: “Yeah, I’m still not letting anybody cum in my mouth.” I don’t think it is the taste that keeps most women from wanting cum in their mouths.  It’s the fact that it is something that the male body produces that is spunking out if their dick.

Most ladies who have tasted it, don’t really mind the taste.  I have heard it described as something with a pudding viscosity and semi-sweet and semi-bitter.  I myself like it on ice cream on top of a fresh made chocolate chip cookie. But, I think that is just me.

Wait, there’s more.  Sweet Release doesn’t just give you semen the Johnny Appleseed treatment, but it also has these benefits:

Anti-bacterial properties

Promotes lower cholesterol

Helps the bodies immune system

Omega 6 and Omega 3 oil balances

Helps in the development of healthy dream states

Yep.  It has anti-bacterial properties and will put you into a healthier dream state.  You know, regardless of what I used to tell chick in bars, I am no doctor, but if you are getting blown before going to bed, that is the best way to put you in a heathy dream state.  Nothing else matters.  I’d sleep like a baby every night and wouldn’t need Ambien if I could coax the wife into blowing me before bed every night.  I doubt the pill actually does anything to help that.

But, if anybody wants to buy and send me a bottle, I would totally give it a try… I’m sure I can convince some naive young man to let me blow him – FOR SCIENCE!

If anybody does order this, write in and let us know if it works.  I’m curious.  Though, because it is listened as a dietary supplement, the claims they make don’t have to be accurate, so I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Happy Cumming.

So you’ve decided to start dating someone?  Excellent!  Actually, I am quite jealous.  Being married, I don’t get to experience that “seeing a new person who really turns your crank” sensation, anymore.  Instead, I only get unconditional love and arguments about where to eat for dinner.

Sure, I get excitement from trying new things, but those things don’t involve the possibility of putting my penis in a new vagina.  They are more centered around me getting to try this new shampoo that might make my hair thicker… so I got that going for me.

But I do totally remember what it was like to go out and learn new things about a semi/complete stranger and do the uncomfortable “get to know you” dance that is hopefully merely a prelude for the “no pants” dance.  Good times.  Really good, in fact.  Trying to get a date with someone always fucking sucks, but once you get the date and things are a go, that is the best.  It is so fully of possibilities.

Will my new girl/boy friend be the one?
Will they be crazy?
Will tonight end with one of us trying to make bail?
Will I get to fuck him/her tonight?
Will this person turn into a teenaged wolf if I they get to angry?

So many questions.  It can been a little nerve wracking, I know.  So I culled together some tips that I have learned from past relations or from friends and came up with a few things you should know when starting a new relationship.

Sexual Partners:  It’s totally cool to lie.  In fact, it would be better for all parties involved.  Ladies, when this comes up and he is looking for numbers, just say four.  You’ve slept with four guys (unless your a virgin, then email me and I’ll help you out with that little problem.)  Four is a great number.  It shows that your not afraid to fuck, but that your not a total whore.  Guys, your number is seven.  Guys are expected to sick their dicks in anything and everything.  This shows that you’ve done your fair share of fucking, but that you aren’t just a player.  This also applies if you’re a virgin, just say seven.

Friends:  Don’t rush to introduce your new fling to all your friends.  After a month or two, sure, go ahead, but make sure this is someone who is going to be around for a while so that they don’t all have to pretend to like every person you end up dating.  Personally, I hate meeting new people, especially new boyfriends/girlfriends because I am afraid I am going to say something dumb/gross/perverted.  I don’t want something that I am likely to say to cause him/her to bolt. Once you get serious, by all means, bring them around, just make sure to provide the proper warnings to both camps.  Example:  “Listen babe, my friend Chris is probably going to make an “Anal Joke” before the night is over.  Just don’t be shocked,”  or “Dude, could you please not make any “Anal Jokes” before the entree is served.  Look, I’m not asking for the world here, just not before the entree.”

Also, if you’re bringing your new love of your life out with a big group of your friends, don’t spend the entire night with your tongue in his/her mouth.  We get it.  You’re enamored and can’t keep your hands off each other.  I just don’t want to looking for that lost kernel of popcorn I dropped in the theater and see you finger-banging your date.  Please?  Thank you.

Paying Your Share:  I’ll make this easy.  Guys, pay for everything. Just do it.  Don’t order for her, pull out her chair, open the door, give her your coat and just pay for everything.  She might let you fuck her later, consider it an investment.  Just watch out for gold-diggers, especially if you are a broke broke.

Secrets/Drama:  Don’t reveal your life story one in the first five dates.  Tell only good stories or “bad, but funny now” stories.  DON’T talk about your moms “friend” that you had to call Uncle Bill who would always make you sit on his lap. DO, feel free to tell the story about how you broke your arm skydiving.  DON’T talk about the month you spent in a group home.  DO talk about your love of Growing Pains.  Also, when you start fucking, don’t lay all your kinks on the table and tell them how you only like to be fucked in a tub full of mayonnaise while the dog is in the room and you have your mom on speakerphone.  You got to ease a person into shit like that.  Remember, if things are seem good, you have your entire life to tell that person your kinks, quirks and past.  Why?  Because if things don’t work out, they are going to have some fucked up things to write next to those naked pics you just had to take.

Above all else, have fun getting to know the other person.  The hard part is over, you already have the date.  Now you just have the simple task of deciding if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.